So what am I writing tonight, brain? Identity porn, weirdass royal AU, teenage intern Dummy attempts to flirt, Phil and Clint make bad life choices, post Captain America 2 SHIELDhusbands, Avengers make Bad Fashion Choices, or Plot v. 7? Answer some things from my inbox?
Or are we just going to write bad dialog and giggle again?
My grandmother once said to me, in that dignified, calm way of hers, “I love truck nuts.”
And I was like, “Wha- Excuse me?”
"I love those little plastic testicles that people can buy and put on their truck hitches," she said. "Because I can tell at a glance that the person is a horrible, offensive moron, and save myself from having to find this out via a conversation. It’s a wonderful time saver when you belong to a motor home club, dear."
She is right. Every time some idiot comes up with a t-shirt that says “Go make me a sandwich” or “No fat chix,” that is a kindness on their part. They are doing women, right thinking men, and society in general a great public service.
So that we can tell the douchebags at a glance. So we can determine, without a single word, that this person:
A. thought that this shirt was funny
B. no, seriously, they found that funny enough to SPEND MONEY ON IT
C. and has no one in their life to tell them that wearing it out in public is unacceptable
And is therefore not likely to be someone anyone wants to interact with. Turns out Gramma was right; it’s a great time saver in fan circles, too.
Hi! I was just rereading one of my faves from you and saw this line "Unless that employment contract you had me sign when I was bleeding out from the bullet you put in me had a couple of not quite legal clauses.” Did we ever get to see exactly what happened here? If not, will we get to see it?
Clint held onto that employment contract afterwards.
It’s what he threw into the funeral pyre during “Hollow Your Bones Like a Bird’s.” So it needed to be rewritten when Phil came back.
Avengers Fic: Rescue Missions and Mistaken Identities, Pt. 8
(and finally, the end. 8) )
He felt like he’d been hit by a truck.
Phil opened his eyes, and it hurt more than it should have. Gritting his teeth against a spike of pain behind his temples, he struggled to get his eyes to focus. He regretted it immediately.
Phil did a quick recalculation. He felt like he’d been hit by a truck, and he had no idea where he was. Or why there was what appeared to be a very small foot tucked under his chin. He stared at it, trying to force his eyes to focus on the little foot and the kid attached to it, who was mostly a purplish blur.
“Good morning, Agent Coulson. How are you feeling?”
“Well, that answers one question,” Phil said, putting a hand over his eyes and squeezing, trying to keep his eyeballs in place. “I’m in the Tower. And DJ is wearing Hawkeye pajamas. I’ve been better, Jarvis. Where, exactly, in the tower, am I?”
“In the net in DJ’s playroom. Do you have any memory of the past twenty-four hours?”
Phil stopped. Thought about that. Tilted his head to the side to consider the floor of the playroom, a long way below them. “You mean, do I have any memory of how I ended up asleep in DJ’s playroom? No. No, I do not.”
I’ve had some people comment that Harris has been, well, pushed into corners and manipulated. That he’s went from being trapped in a HYDRA facility, to being forced into working for SHIELD. That he’s really been
It’s true that Harris has been manipulated. Which is unfair. But the Phil Coulson of my world is not a man given to cruelty or malice. He is, at his heart, a protector. He seeks to be a shield, for those who have none. And at the end of “Four (Or Five) Reasons,” Harris has no where to go. He has no one. He is lost, and adrift, and traumatized. He has no family, no friends, very few connections. He is injured, he is in a bad mental state, and he is facing government inquiries that he is not really prepared for, or capable of handling.
By forcing him into the SHIELD ranks, Phil gives him, in one fell swoop, a place to live, a purpose, and access to the medical and psychiatric care that he needs to heal. If Harris was the sort of person who would be happy kicking back for a month with a book, then that’s what would’ve happened to him. But he needs work. He needs to be useful. That’s his psychological profile. Phil made sure he got what he needed. And if in three months, after he’d gotten his feet under him and after the legal issues had been resolved, he’d showed up for his review and said, “I want out,” then he’d be out.
Harris is not working for Tony. Because he doesn’t want to. Harris is working at SHIELD. Because he grumbles, and he makes faces and he gives looks, but in the end? He is safe there. He is protected. He has a therapist and friends and a purpose. He LIKES Phil. He really likes Darcy and Tony and Shawn and Drew.
When he thought something bad was happening, when he truly believed that they were in danger, his first action was to warn everyone. The second was to protect Darcy. He pulled her down, made sure she stayed down, and he covered her mouth and nose, not his own. His instinct was to protect her. Not because he thinks she can’t protect herself, but because he will not let anything happen to her, if he can help it. Because she is his friend.
And this is not the life he was expecting, but right now? He likes his life.
“Honestly, it’s quite astonishing how much misery this movie manages to pack into two hours of mostly action sequences and espionage subplots, particularly since Captain America is supposedly one of the “lighter” superheroes, compared to the unending grimdarkness of Batman. I guess this is the difference between “manpain” and “a man in legitimate emotional pain.””—
Is it just me, or is Phil slowly, reluctantly starting to approach something that almost resembles affection for Mr. Fantastic? (I, for one, thought he was cute in this last part, regardless of what Phil thinks or says)
Part of being in a relationship is realizing that you’re stuck with your loved one’s pet.
Because killing it will likely not go over well.
Phil is learning to appreciate the little mechanical horror, and is no longer trying to sign it up for bomb detection duty.
Summary: Tony Stark spent his childhood making weapons, filling the hole his father left in the world when he succumbed to alcohol, grief, and his own demons. At the age of fifteen, he ran away from home, and made it as far as MIT before all of his responsibilities caught up to him. Now seventeen, he just wants to finish his degree and escape from everything connected to the Stark name.
Steve Rogers crashed into the icy North Atlantic in the 1940’s, sacrificing himself to save the world. He never expected to wake up, and now that he has, he’s not sure he’s glad. The US Army has other plans for him, but for now, Steve is slowly learning to live life in the 21st century, and taking classes at Boston College. He’s beginning to suspect that there is no escape.
Boston College is on the T’s Green Line. MIT is on the Red. The two lines meet at the Park Street Station, and so will Steve and Tony.
Avengers Fic: Rescue Missions and Mistaken Identities, Pt. 7
Phil kept his eyes tightly closed, and tried not to feel the unfamiliar weight of this place pressing down on him.
He could feel his eyes burning, and he didn’t know why, because he absolutely was not going to cry. He was not. Going. To. Cry.
And when that ended up being a lie, too, he scrubbed at his cheeks with the heels of his hands until his cheeks were burning, but dry. Then he took a deep breath, and got out of bed. He was tired, exhausted, so exhausted that he felt sick, but he couldn’t sleep. No matter how long he lay there, how much he tried, every time he thought he might be falling asleep, he’d end up bolt upright, his heart pounding, something like a sob or a scream caught in his throat.
In the bathroom, he washed his face, and ran a glass of water. He took his time drinking it, his feet cold on the bathroom tile. He ignored it, anything to avoid going back to bed. The too big, too strange bed that definitely was not his.
Instead of returning to it, he picked his way across the carpet, making his way in the dim reflected light that spilled from the bathroom. He wished that there were windows, or any way to relieve the sensation of being trapped. He paused, considering the door. He glanced around, and immediately felt stupid. Still, he was breathing a little too hard, a little too fast, as he reached for the doorknob.
There was a soft beep, and Phil’s fingers jerked away from the door.
"I am sorry to startle you, Philip, but you are not supposed to leave this room without supervision."
Regarding the "(fill in female character) is a bitch" mentality: have you gotten many negative comments about Natasha and/or Pepper? If so, have they greatly outnumbered any negative comments concerning the male characters? Because, honestly, the men can be total asses, yet it seems as if that is somehow more acceptable, or likeable (or maybe just in-character?). I don't get it.
I tend not to put up with people dissing my female characters. There are too few of them. The OCs that I’ve created have really never gotten much by way of disdain or negativity. Perhaps because they’re male, perhaps because they don’t get overly familiar with, nor are they a threat to, the main characters.
Darcy is a lightning rod for it. I’m rather getting sick of it. I like the sassy minx, and so do all of the other characters in my stories.
I really should go back to the “Clint Babysits Darcy In New Mexico” story, because that was SUCH FUN. They stole a car. Then had to sleep in it to avoid getting caught. 8)
OMG. This Darcy seems like a bitch and not in a good way. I’m so sorry for Harris. And Steve bringing the nameplate was actually brilliant. The whole thing with choosing his own side made me nearly purr with content
Okay, I’m calling you on this.
What, exactly, makes Darcy a ‘bitch?’ And ‘not in a good way?’
Darcy is an untrained, non-powered, tough young woman tossed into a situation that she has no desire to be in, that really, she is supremely unqualified to be in. She is frustrated, she is out of her depth, and she knows she’s the least qualified person at this table, and she is liked for the qualities that allow her to keep going despite all of this.
She has friends, who she teases, and who tease her back. If Harris told her to stop, she would stop. He is in control of his life, and if he has a problem with the situation, he would say, “cut it out,” and she would. She is teasing him, and he is amused by this.
But she was worried about her friend. She went looking for her friend. And took advantage of a situation that was to her advantage. She’s not a planner here, she’s not depending on psychology and tactics and internal knowledge the way that Tony and Steve both are. She doesn’t outsmart anyone, or out fight them.
She takes advantage of a situation that presents itself to her. And then she takes credit for it without shame, because heck, yes.
She did it. And she’s proud of herself for doing it.
And I am perpetually surprised when my male OCs skate by with far less believable talents and skills, and the one female canon character (WHO HACKED SHIELD’S FIREWALL IN THE COMIC ADAPTATIONS) is the one who gets singled out for abuse. But I guess I shouldn’t be.
Why don't you add any of the other people from the MCU?
I’ve actually… Included the majority of characters from the MCU? Many charges can be leveled against my work, but isolating the main ‘couple’ is not one of them.
Partial listing of MCU characters (other than the six Avengers and four core SHIELD agents) that have appeared in my stories:
Pepper Potts, James Rhodes, Justin Hammer, Jane Foster, Darcy Lewis, Frigga, The Warriors Three, Sif, Betty Ross, General Ross, Obadiah Stane.
Listing of other Marvel characters that have popped up that are not officially part of the MCU:
Spider-Man, Gambit, Kitty Pyde, Logan, Reed Richards, Jennifer Walters, Carol Danvers, Jessica Drew, Miles Morales, Anya Corazon, Jan Van Dyne, Stephen Strange, Agatha Harkness, Amora and Lorelei.
Wanda Maximoff, Sam Wilson, and Sharon Carter have all appeared in my fics before they officially reached the big screen. I have no interest, at this point, in dealing with any of the other defeated villains from the MCU, and Bucky is difficult for me to get a hold on, in terms of characterization and how he’d fit into the world I’ve created.
And no one is clamoring for more Odin. No one.
To be blunt, I write who I want to write, who will fit in well with the story I’m trying to tell. I have a couple of favorites that have just had no place to fit in, not yet. They might later. Or I might just stop writing MCU fic entirely and move to something else. At this point, this cast of characters works for me. I want more women, more POC, more young people than the MCU has as of yet given me. I like my OCs, I like the world I’m trying to craft.
So now that you;ve finished "Super Villain Name," when is the rest of that going to appear on AO3? Tumblr is kind of a pain to catch up on when you're checking it every other week...
Ah, in a day or so? I appreciate that it’s an easier format for some people to read and download from, but I do like there to be a little bit of a break before I’m forced to go through and try to re-edit for AO3.
I get this question a lot, and if AO3 is where you’d like to read, it will be there. You just have to wait for it. More than an hour, I’m afraid.
Avengers Fic: Phil Coulson Knows Tony Stark's Super Villain Name, pt. 5
((The fifth and final chapter of the paint ball battle. 8) ))
The one occupant of Tony Stark’s Super Secret Speakeasy didn’t even look up as Phil slipped through the door. “Hello, sir,” Harris said from behind the bar. There was a sign around his neck that said, ‘I am a hostage please don’t shoot me.’ “Drink?”
“Are you tending bar? Really?” Phil asked, ambling across the room. “Hello, Tony.”
There was no reply, and Harris’ eyes flicked towards the ceiling, a half-hearted roll of his eyes. “I got bored with standing around and being a hostage, so I figured I could make myself useful,” Harris said. “He knows you’re in here, Tony.”
“You are the worst minion ever,” Tony told Harris, stepping out from behind the kitchen door. His suit jacket was gone, his tie loose, and he had a crystal tumbler of something that looked like scotch in his hand. He appeared to be unarmed, but a paint-ball pistol lay, gleaming and silver, on top of the bar. “I see your suit survived, Agent.”
“This is my backup suit,” Phil said. “Bruce killed me.” He took a seat at the bar with a sigh. “Or re-killed me. That’s two for six, for the team.”
“Really?” Tony leaned back against the bar. One dark eyebrow arched as he took a sip of the liquor. “I have trouble imagining that Clint and Romanov haven’t-”
“Not during this particular exercise,” Phil said. He considered the bar. “Tom Collins?”
“A fine choice,” Harris said, reaching for a bottle of gin.
I'm sure Phil has the Shield uniform designers sufficiently intimidated that he just says "the straps stay" and they don't argue. I want to be in the room when Tony asks what the straps on Clint's uniform are even FOR.
Phil just walks in, “Don’t touch the straps,” then walks back out and no one questions it. He had some design input. 8)
And if Tony was ever stupid enough to ask that question, I can see Clint calling his bluff and telling him. In brutal detail until Tony was like, “OH GOD SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE BEEN A PRUDE BUT OH MY GOD THIS MUST BE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.”
Has Tony thought about taking Stark industries into the realm of high end toy development, considering everything awesome he's made for DJ?
I believe that most of the things he’s created for DJ would not be financially viable to mass produce, but I can imagine him wanting to.
I suspect that he had a complicated relationship with toys and play as a child, and I like to think of him creating things with DJ not as a test, not as a proof that DJ is clever, not for any purpose, just because it’s something DJ wants to play with.
How many people through history started their lives making weapons, and ended it making toys, I wonder? 8)
Man, don’t do the thing where you claim that movie A is “unoriginal” because you can make it sound exactly like movie B with a carefully worded synopsis. With sufficiently perverse phrasing, I can make The Silence of the Lambs sound like Care Bears: A New Generation.
Well? I’m waiting.
"An ambitious young woman, desiring to overcome the skepticism of her peers and excel in her chosen field, seeks out the assistance of a man with a monstrous reputation. He demands quid pro quo in return for his help; though put off by his unsettling demeanour, she agrees. Her initial victories are short-lived, however, when it transpires that her new mentor is simply manipulating her in order to pursue revenge against an older authority figure who’s been watching over her. In the end, all possible allies having been taken out of the picture by a wild goose chase orchestrated by her ostensible benefactor, our heroine must confront a terrifying enemy in an underground lair where he imprisons the innocent for his own twisted amusement."
Avengers Fic: Phil Coulson Knows Tony Stark's Super Villain Name, Pt. 4
“Reports are rolling in. There were six ‘paint bombs’ in all, though it appears that the ones sent off-site contained something closer to a powder than paint. Easier clean up, for the most part.” Hill didn’t look up from her tablet. “Stark will have to do some work to smooth feathers when this is over, but the damage is minimal.”
Fury gave a snort, staring out the window at the city below. “He’s not the only one.” He leaned forward, bracing one hand against the window. “We having any luck pinning down how he’s controlling the armors?”
“He cleared out most of our active duty tech support staff,” Hill said. “The few that escaped the original attacks are working on triangulating his location, but the suits appear to be part of a closed circuit system. Which could mean that Stark, or even Jarvis, is controlling them all remotely, or it could mean-”
“That he’s in one.” Fury reached up, rubbing hard at the bridge of his nose. “Take them all out.”
“He’s made no move towards this level again,” she pointed out.
“Rules are, he’s gotta get my name plate in order to win.” Fury turned away from the window, reaching a hand out as he crossed the office. Hill handed over the tablet as he stalked by. “He’ll come. Right now, he’s playing. Let’s make that painful for him.”
Fury collapsed into his chair. “And move with the contingency plan.”
The beat of a pause before Hill said, “Yes, sir,” was almost nonexistent. Anyone who wasn’t intimately familiar with her wouldn’t have noticed it at all.
I have found the best comic of all time. This. This is the pinacle.
Avengers 239: The Avengers On Late Night With David Letterman.
This is real.
This is a real thing that Marvel did.
And if the concept doesn’t already have you giggling like a loon, well, the comic starts with Clint Barton walking into the mansion carrying Bobbi Morse, and announcing, “Hey, Everybody— Your wanderin’ boy Hawkeye has come home… And you’ll never guess what I’ve gone and done!’
Yeah, he got married and that’s how he brings his new wife home. Because CLINT.
So the Avengers have been invited to go on the David Letterman show, and rather than telling everyone that he’s suffering from acute hearing loss, Clint has Bobbi steal the interview questions so he can answer, live on nationwide tv, questions he can’t hear.
CLINT BARTON; MAKING BAD DECISIONS SINCE FOREVER.
Except, of course, Supremely inept villain attacks them on TV in front of a live studio audience, and while the Avengers are distracted, the bad guy is disarmed by David Letterman.
Also Hank McCoy flirting with EVERYONE. Dear GOD, Hank, cool your jets.
I'm searching for a fic with a scene where the avengers find out that coulson's alive and coulson freaks out till he sees clint. I may be mashing fics together - but I also remember natasha telling clint that 'it's not about you'
Forgive me if you've answered this, but 1) in your Toasterverse, did Tony ever actually acquire iRobot and, 2) if he didn't, what do they think of him having a fleet of flying Roombas? Advertisement, or do they quietly pretend the Roombas don't exist?
I have to assume Pepper put on her big girl pumps and went to the negotiating table after the shaky camera footage of the Roombas eating the sentient ball of dust went viral.
It’s hard to miss that sort of thing, when you have a social media team.
All Roombas in my verse have a big warning label on the box: “Does not fly. For vacuuming purposes only.”
You know, like those things they have to put on toys to remind children that their plastic plane doesn’t actually fire lasers. The Roombas have a similar warning label. Actually, they have that exact warning label.